FAMILY CIRCLES

Family members are welcomed: Introductions are carried out, ground rules and aims clarified whilst coffee is drunk.

A recap from the last session is carried out: To follow up developments and reflections after the last meeting.

One issue is selected for the main focus

Issue presentation: The family member who raised the concern is asked questions to tell the ‘story’ of the issue or problem.

Additional questions/information from the group about the problem are gathered:

Ground rules may need to be observed carefully here. Individual participants need to be kept focused and prevented from leaping to premature conclusions or to making ‘helpful’ suggestions about strategy.

Relationship aspects to the problem are explored. Metaphors and analogies are invited. How would a fly on the wall see your relationship? If you were alone together on a desert island, what would it be like?

Impact of previous relationships/spillage from one relationship to another are explored. Eg what situation they are reminded of? For instance, does this situation remind you of any of those angry but helpless feelings you had with your other son when he was an adolescent? This provides opportunities to reflect on how emotions rub off on other people. The parent feels really frustrated, and on reflection we can see that so does the child

System/Organisation factors (Family system/school and community systems and so on): What aspects help or hinder the problem? For instance, does the pastoral system of the local school provide space, or time and skilled personnel able to counsel this young person and work actively with their parents?

Synthesis. At this stage the Graphic facilitator summarises what they have heard. They then go on to describe linkages and patterns in what they have heard. This can be very powerful. The person doing the graphic work has been able to listen throughout the presentation process and will have been struck by strong messages, emotions and images as they have arisen. The story and meaning of what is happening in the situation may become a little clearer at this point. Typical links may be ‘mirrored emotions’ strong themes such as loss and separation issues, or repeated processes such as actions triggering rejection. This step provides an excellent grounding for the next process of deepening understanding.

What alternative strategies/interventions are open to be used? Brainstormed and recorded. ’Either/ors’ need to be avoided at this time also. This needs to be a shared session in which the family member who is presenting the concern contributes as much as anyone. Care is needed to ensure that this person is not overloaded with other people’s strategies.

The final selection of strategy or strategies from the brainstormed list is the problem presenter’s choice. Strategies might include: a special time for the young person, a meeting with the child’s parents to explore how she is being managed at home and to share tactics, a home-school diary, counselling, or an agreed action plan that all are aware of, agreed sanctions and rewards and so forth. Strategies may productively involve processes of restitution and restoration, when ‘sorry’ is not enough. Making it right, rather than punishments or rewards, may then becomes the focus.

First Steps. The problem presenter is finally asked to agree one or two first steps which they can carry out over the next 3-7 days. It can help to assign a ‘coach’ who will check in with them to ensure they have carried out the action they have named. This is a time to be very specific. Steps should be small and achievable. The person is just ‘making a start’. A phone call, or making an agreement with a key other person not present at the meeting would be ideal examples.

Final reflections. Sometimes referred to as a ‘round of words’ help with closure for all involved. Reflections are on the process not the problem. In large families this is best done standing in a circle. In smaller groups all can remain sitting. Passing around a ‘listening stick’ or something similar such as a stone or light heighten the significance of the process ending and improve listening.

Finally the problem presenter is handed the ‘Graphic’ this is their record of the meeting and can be rolled and presented ceremoniously by the facilitators for maximum effect!